Welcome to For This Reason Marriage Ministries:

We are Pastors Fred & Norma Aguilar and we are so excited to have you be a part of this powerful marriage ministry!  We have made it our mission to help couples to stay in love forever and revive their marriages.  We provide Spirit-filled, Christ-centered training and counseling "couple to couple" in the home.....where God intended His presence to abide as the foundation of our marriages. The Word of God is clear "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Gen 2:24

WELCOME TO THE WEDNESDAY WEEKLY MESSAGE | STANDING ON GODS WORD | 01/17/2018

Glory to The Lord & Blessings Upon You...

Pastors
Fred & Norma Aguilar

Before Conflict Arises -
 
The best place to start dealing with conflict is before a conflict arises. That's right, BEFORE a conflict arises. Every couple has their own combination of attitudes, emotions, and circumstances that set them up for conflict, but most couples are totally unaware of what they are. As you begin to identify the factors that precede your most frequent conflicts, you will discover a gold mine of insights to help you deal more effectively with those conflicts once they arise.
 
Regardless of the severity of conflict, we've found that constructive conflict management is always easier when you have a plan. We've worked with hundreds of couples who have told us that the following seven steps have helped them turn conflict from something they feared to an opportunity to increase understanding and intimacy.
 
STEP 1: Define the Issue, Pray, Listen, and Seek Understanding. ...Remember this: You will NEVER resolve what you don't understand. Human nature dictates that it is virtually impossible to accept advice (let alone criticism) from someone unless you feel that they're trying to understand you. If you want your spouse to understand you, the starting place is for you to take the initiative in understanding them. Answering the following questions will help you better understand and define the issue. Whose issue is it? What kind of issue is it? Is there more than 1 issue involved?
 
Most people have spent hours engaged in conflicts that involved several issues. It's hard enough to manage one issue. It's almost impossible to deal with several issues at the same time. If there is more than one issue, decide which is most urgent. Which is most important? What order should we take them in? If you can't agree, then choose the least volatile issue first. If you can't agree on that, then flip a coin. Yes, that may sound silly, but we've been flipping coins for years & it works.
 
What is my spouse's core concern? A critical part of defining an issue is to take time to understand the heart and the perspective of your spouse. In fact, this may be one of the greatest contributions healthy conflict makes to the growth of intimacy in a marriage. The Bible has a lot to say about the power of seeking understanding. Proverbs 4:7 says, 'Though it cost you all you have, get understanding.'
 
Listening is one of the most powerful intimacy builders in a relationship because listening leads to understanding. That's why James exhorts us to 'be quick to listen, slow to speak' (James 1:19). When you choose to listen to another person, you're saying that you value them & their concerns & that they're worth taking the time to understand. An open ear is the sure sign of an open heart.
 
What is my core concern? After you've chosen to listen, hear, and understand your spouse, it will be important for you to identify and clarify your own core concern. ...Once you define the problem, and before going further, commit this specific conflict -as well as your desire to deal with conflict in a healthier and more mature manner -to God in prayer. In 1 Thessalonians 5:17, we're encouraged to "pray without ceasing."
 
STEP 2: How Important is it? Is it a High-ticket or a Low-ticket item? Once you've defined the issue, the next step is to determine just how important it is. Many of the conflicts in marriage can be traced to personal idiosyncrasies, minor annoyances, or passing irritations.
 
Some differences demand confrontation, while others are simply a part of being married. We all have our frustrating annoyances and so do our spouses. It's just that ours seem so much less weird than theirs. Before you allow an issue to consume too much of your time, ask yourself, "How important is this?"
 
STEP 3: Ask Yourself: 'What is My Contribution to the Problem?' It's amazing that whenever there is a conflict we usually have little difficulty identifying our spouse's contribution to the problem, but we can be blinded to our own. It's fascinating how clear many of us can be about how 'they' need to change, what 'they' could do differently, and how 'they' could listen better.
 
Proverbs 25:12 (TLB) tells us, 'It is a badge of honor to accept valid criticism.' Those are sound words. Listen to what the other person has to say. Even if 90 percent of what they are saying is invalid, look for the 10 percent that might be true. Look for even the 1 percent that God could use in your life to help you deepen and mature into a mature Christ-like woman or man.
 
STEP 4: Do I Need to Apologize or Ask for Forgiveness? As you think and pray through the third step you may become aware of something you have done that you need to apologize or ask forgiveness for. Early in our marriage I learned I could be right, but go about being right in a wrong or an unhealthy way. In the intensity of an emotional discussion it's easy to say things or do things or express ourselves in a tone of voice that discounts and wounds our spouse. Over the next few years I discovered that there were some things I needed to apologize for. My intentions had been good, but my words had wounded the person I loved the most.
 
STEP 5: Choose Radical Responsibility. Radical responsibility is our way of saying that we need to take personal responsibility to choose what we can do differently and not wait around for our spouse to do something different. It means that we make a unilateral decision, regardless of what our spouse chooses to say or do, to seek wisdom and understanding in dealing with conflict. Regardless of the habits you saw growing up and those that may have characterized you for most of your life, you can teach yourself to take radical responsibility to listen, to understand, to accept, to be kind, to be patient, to forgive, and to love even when your spouse may not be making that same choice. In fact, we are most like our Lord Jesus Christ when we love in this kind of situation.
 
STEP 6: Choose What You Both Can Do Differently. At this point you're working on identifying a mutually acceptable solution. ...Be sure to set aside ample time for discussion and prayer. Find a quiet place with no interruptions. Turn that phone off. Remember that this step involves choosing to bargain some of your personal needs for some of your relationship needs. Many couples have found it helpful to read 1 Corinthians 13 aloud before entering into the discussion.
 
STEP 7: PRAY ABOUT IT, DO IT, AND REVIEW IT!
 
We hope this has been helpful for you. Even if your spouse won't approach conflict in a healthy way, we encourage you to ask the Lord to show you how you can personally grow in this area of your marriage as one who exemplifies the attitude and actions of Jesus Christ our Lord.
 
Remember you want to be part of the solution and not part of the problem!
 
"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Philippians 2:1-4 Jesus loves you so much!

  Jesus loves you so much!

 You are welcome to join us for prayer every morning at 6:00 am, CST.

Please if you would like more information on how to join us for prayer on the phone line, email or call and I will provide you with what you will need to join us!

 

All gifts to For This Reason Marriage Ministries are tax deductible:
 
Will you prayerfully consider supporting For This Reason Marriage Ministries with a year-end contribution in response to the blessing we have been in your life? No gift is too small. The Lord can use the $5 gift as much as He uses the $1000 gift.   
 
Your gift must be postmarked by December 31, 2016 to be credited in calendar year 2016 for tax purposes.   

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We are here to help and offer phone/ Skype counseling. Just visit the Contact Us link on our website. If we can help, please call us at (817) 605-8133 or email us to request more information on our marriage seminars, retreats that help save and build marriages.

For This Reason Marriage Ministries

P.O. Box 742

Colleyville, TX 76034

Thank you and the Lord bless you for your prayers, love and gifts of support.

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There is still a group of us gathering Monday thru Saturday for one hour of prayer at 6 am, you can join us by phone if you are interested in joining us please Contact Us so I can give you more information! Remember that is 6:00 am CST.

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For This Reason Marriage Ministries has helped countless thousands of married couples by ministering Jesus' reconciling power to the separated, the divorced, the unsaved, broken families and couples that are hurting. The proof of our ministry is in the countless married couples lives we have had the privilege to help and the husbands and wives standing for their marriage today despite their friends, family and even brothers and sisters in the Lord telling them to divorce. Divorce is not the answer and we teach couples how to reconcile, stand and believe that nothing is too great for our GOD and how to be "In Love Forever".

The biblical concept of marriage is that marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman to live together in mutual love and respect for the glory of God, until death do them part.  Marriage is not about us, so it is not about me.  It is about God and His kingdom.  God ordained marriage as the foundational unit of society and everything is built on marriage.  Marriage, done God's way, creates the safest and best environment in which to rear children and covenant principles of marriage are based on steadfast love - looking out for the interest of each other.  They are about seeking to encourage and support each other, throughout life not just when you feel like being in the covenant, because you are "in the covenant" whether you feel like it or not and so we teach to please the Lord with your love, care and commitment to Him and to your spouse.

Thank you for visiting inloveforever.org. It is our sincere desire to bring hope to your marriage situation regardless the circumstances! Below you will find a powerful weekly teaching on covenant marriage done Gods way.

Take a minute to read testimony of couples just like you ........

 

 

 

 

 

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